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planecrazzzy
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 Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:10 pm Post subject: Actual exchanges between pilots and control tower / Not Kolb |
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| Quote: | Subject: Actual exchanges between pilots and control tower<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
| Quote: | Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
**************************************************************************************************
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
****************************************************************************************************
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing
bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
**************************************************************************************************
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this..I've got the little
Fokker in sight."
****************************************************************************************************
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting
to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known
position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
***************************************************************************************************
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
after touching down.
<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of
the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit
off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
****************************************************************************************************
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the
following:
Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany .. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because
you lost the bloody war!"
****************************************************************************************************
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
*****************************************************************************************************
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in
the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you
make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and
I'll have enough parts for another one."
****************************************************************************************************
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call
sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."!
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been
to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I
didn't land."
*************************************************************************************************
While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight
departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air
crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to
turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right
there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and
D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!
You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an
unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I
married to you once?"
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Richard Pike
Joined: 09 Jan 2006
Posts: 1671
Location: Blountville, Tennessee
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 3:20 pm Post subject: Actual exchanges between pilots and control tower / Not Kolb |
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Not Kolb related, but it is too cold to fly.... and continuing this non-Kolb related thread...
On a clear and frosty January morn in Albany Ga, I was working tower & ground control combined, and we had a Stearman in the practice area. Albany had a crop dusting school, and the instructors were well known to be a fairly "loose" group of people in terms of protocol... Outside temps were in the 20's, and after about 45 minutes in the practice area, the Stearman comes in and lands and while taxiing back to the ramp the instructor asks the sort of question that every controller wonders how best to answer...
"Hey ground, do you want to hear this poem I made up?"
"Stearman XXXX, go ahead."
"I hope I go to heaven when I die,
because then I'll get a new Stearman to fly.
But if I go the other way,
they'll make me fly it every day!!"
Not theologically accurate, but I could see where he was coming from...
One afternoon at TRI, I was working ground and Phil was working local, we had a student from Miss Evelyn Johnson's (Google her, 57,620 hours) school in Morristown on downwind for 23, completing his student cross country. (Miss Evelyn sent all her students to TRI for their cross country flights)
The C152 touched down, but did not turn off the active, but instead did a touch and go. Since we are a TRSA, we needed to know what was happening next, so we could give approach control the heads-up.
(Insert East Tennessee accent to all following transmissions)
"Cessna, 32Charlie, say intentions."
"Roger."
Cessna 32Charlie, say intentions."
"Roger."
Cessna 32 Charlie, TRI tower, SAY INTENTIONS."
"Tower, 32 Charlie, I am payin' tention' whut chu want me t'do?"
Don't remember what happened after that.
Richard Pike
MKIII N420P (420ldPoops)
do not archive
[quote] ---
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_________________
Richard Pike
Kolb MKIII N420P (420ldPoops)
Kingsport, TN 3TN0
Forgiving is tough, being forgiven is wonderful, and God's grace really is amazing. |
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